Friday, April 19, 2013

Product Review: The Nutrition Bar Face Off

FINALLY!  I have been wanting to crap all over this damn bar since I first tasted it.
"Don't publicly announce your hatred for this bar." I'd say.
"It's probably a small company just making healthy bars" Id say.
"Just choke it down, they're good for you" Id say.
"You may be a bitch but why put down a product that appears to be doing such wonderful things" Id say.

I said enough.  It was disgust at first bite.  It tasted like something I had already digested, pulled from the toilet, packed tightly into a mold and then shoved into a friendly looking wrapper.  I hated it.  I fucking hated it.  I reluctantly tried several flavors.  All evoked the same response from my taste buds: Utter fear before each forced bite.  I couldn't do it.  I just could not bring myself to like that god damned LARABAR.
Gross.  Effing gross.

In the literal sense of the word, it tasted like shit.  Just like almost every other protein bar I had eaten pre-health nut.  Garbage.  Who eats this shit I thought?  Starving Ethiopians?   Prisoners of war?  Then, to top it off, I saw it win awards in Veg News magazine.  Other magazines raved about how tasty and nutritious they were.  I appeared to be the only person in the world who would rather jump into a pit full of melting legos than eat another god forsaken bite of that nasty stuff.  I felt cold and alone.  Was I crazy?  This company appeared to be wonderful!

Meanwhile, I was having an absolute love affair with the almighty Luna Bar.  They had pizzazz.  They had finesse   They had crunch.  They had chocolate!  They had peanuts and honey and pretzels all rolled into one!  They had a plethora of flavors, each and every one equally delicious!  This was no ordinary nutrition bar.  This was heaven, or 6 heavens to be exact, in a box!  I hid my affair.  After all, LARA is supposed to be so healthy!

Until last weekend.  I was so stupid!  I always research stuff!  I hadn't!  It only took 3 freaking minutes on google to find my answer!

Luna Bar (A mouth orgasm) is owned by CLIF, who is an independent company and does NOT use GMOs.  CLIF = Good.

LARABAR.  Parent company: General Mills.  While LARABAR claims they use NO GMOs in their bars, they are owned by General Mills who actively fights labeling laws which would make labeling products containing GMOs mandatory.  General Mills = Bad.

Just to be clear, while I do mostly avoid GMOs, I do on occasion buy products whose parent companies fight labeling laws.  I have made myself familiar with the list now and am cutting the little I do buy, out.  Yes, I use Boca crumbles on occasion because my husband likes them since I dont use beef, but no I dont go buying GMO shit all willy-nilly.  However, knowing this made me thrilled about my secret life as a Luna Lover. Screw You LARABAR!  There's a new nutrition bar in town!  (...and this one doesn't taste like munching on a turd!)


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